Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I understand Curling. That high.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
