honey bunches of taint.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
