I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
