I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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