Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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