we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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