Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
