Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize