She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
