god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He better not be in your backpack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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