I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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