I puked a lego.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
