you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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