I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
