I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
