If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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