I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
