She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
