So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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