using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
