After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
