I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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