so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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