I just threw up on my dentist
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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