GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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