i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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