Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
