Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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