I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
