I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
