I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
