i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
