I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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