and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
