Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
