I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This toilet bowl is my home.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
