I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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