I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
