I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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