We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
