Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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