Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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