i permit you to call me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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