After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
