I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
