No more Irish car bombs ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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