Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
