i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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