just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
