I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
