You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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