I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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