so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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