There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So much Jack, so little girl.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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