I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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