We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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