If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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