I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
