i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
