I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
