Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
