yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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