I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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