HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
