GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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