$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
