so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
