I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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